MILF

I subbed in a high school today. It was a pretty good day except that I have a giant scab that grows razor sharp, crystalline, bloody booger castles in my right nostril. Do you realize how much you touch your nose in a day? It's a lot. Every time I would inadvertently rub my nose my knees would almost buckle from the sudden excruciating razor pains. Then when I had a break I would go to the bathroom and bite the bullet and clear things out, but the booger castles would grow back within 20 minutes and then the whole cycle would start over again. I swear, those boogs were sharper than razors and harder than diamonds. There must be some industrial use for something like that.

All the pain caused flop sweat which made me realize that I forgot to put deodorant on this morning. How did I realize that, you ask? Because I was bending over to pick something up and all of a sudden I got a whiff something and I thought to myself, "Mmmm meatballs" and then I realized that nobody was cooking delicious meatballs in the middle of the afternoon in a social studies class, so on my next foray into the bathroom I discovered that my right pit had a smell that would be delicious in an Italian restaurant, but in my shirt, not so great. The right side of my body is disgusting.

Just try to keep your hands off this sweet package, Mitch.