Nick: I lost a tooth last night and I got a two-dollar bill from the tooth fairy!
Me: Lucky!
Winnie: I tricked the tooth fairy once. I gave her my dog's tooth.
Me: (gasp) DON'T DO THAT! The toothfairy HATES being tricked!
Winnie: She gave me a dollar.
Me: Well, maybe she accepts puppy teeth as well children's teeth, but you guys better be careful.
Matt: Why? What's the big deal?
Me: One time my daughter found a tiny white rock that was sort of tooth-shaped and she tried to trick the tooth fairy by hiding it under her pillow. You know what the toothfairy did when she found it?
Matt, Winnie, Nick: What?
Me: She PUNCHED Kira in the stomach!
Winnie: No she didn't!
Me: Yes, she did. Kira learned her lesson.
Nick: I put a rock under my pillow once and I didn't get punched. I don't believe you.
Me: Well, maybe she didn't punch you. Maybe she pooped in your corner instead.
Winnie: Oh gross!
Nick: She didn't.
Me: Are you sure? She's very small.
Nick: I'm sure. I would have noticed because my dog pooped on the floor once and I found it right away.
Me: Look, all I'm saying is that it's not smart to mess with a magical being that collects discarded body parts. Be careful.
The story spread like wildfire. I honestly didn't think it was that big a deal when the words were coming out of my mouth, but when I heard the story being whispered over and over, "The toothfairy punches you if you trick her!" "The toothfairy POOPS in your house if she's mad! Mrs. L. said so!", I thought maybe that wasn't the best story to tell the kids. Oh well. They'll forget about it. No biggy. Later I learned that parent/teacher conferences were that night. Crap.
Conversation I expect to have later today:
Mrs. G.: (the third-grade teacher I was subbing for yesterday) We had parent conferences last night.
Me: Oh yeah, how did they go?
Mrs. G.: Nick's mom asked me about the substitute who told Nick that the toothfairy poops in their rooms.
Me: ............ oh, heavens to Betsy!
Mrs. G.: I didn't really know how to respond.
Me.: Oh....wow.... I wonder where Nick would ever come up with something like that?
Mrs. G.: He told her it was "Mrs. L."
Me: Oh. Come to think of it, we did talk abou the toothfairy and how vengeful she can be. I might have mentioned that pooping in corners was in her wheelhouse.
Mrs. G: Next time you talk about the toothfairy's mean streak, maybe leave out the pooping.
Me: Noted.
