Friday, February 10, 2012

Two Conversations

Conversation I had yesterday with a group of third graders during their snack time:

Nick: I lost a tooth last night and I got a two-dollar bill from the tooth fairy!

Me:  Lucky!

Winnie: I tricked the tooth fairy once.  I gave her my dog's tooth.

Me: (gasp) DON'T DO THAT!  The toothfairy HATES being tricked!

Winnie:  She gave me a dollar.

Me:  Well, maybe she accepts puppy teeth as well children's teeth, but you guys better be careful.

Matt: Why?  What's the big deal?

Me:  One time my daughter found a tiny white rock that was sort of tooth-shaped and she tried to trick the tooth fairy by hiding it under her pillow.  You know what the toothfairy did when she found it?

Matt, Winnie, Nick:  What?

Me:  She PUNCHED Kira in the stomach!

Winnie:  No she didn't!

Me:  Yes, she did.  Kira learned her lesson.

Nick:  I put a rock under my pillow once and I didn't get punched.  I don't believe you.

Me:  Well, maybe she didn't punch you.  Maybe she pooped in your corner instead.

Winnie:  Oh gross!

Nick: She didn't.

Me:  Are you sure?  She's very small.

Nick:  I'm sure.  I would have noticed because my dog pooped on the floor once and I found it right away.

Me:  Look, all I'm saying is that it's not smart to mess with a magical being that collects discarded body parts.  Be careful.  

The story spread like wildfire.  I honestly didn't think it was that big a deal when the words were coming out of my mouth, but when I heard the story being whispered over and over, "The toothfairy punches you if you trick her!"  "The toothfairy POOPS in your house if she's mad!  Mrs. L. said so!", I thought maybe that wasn't the best story to tell the kids.  Oh well.  They'll forget about it.  No biggy.  Later I learned that parent/teacher conferences were that night.  Crap.  

Conversation I expect to have later today:

Mrs. G.: (the third-grade teacher I was subbing for yesterday) We had parent conferences last night.

Me:  Oh yeah,  how did they go?
Mrs. G.:  Nick's mom asked me about the substitute who told Nick that the toothfairy poops in their rooms.

Me:  ............ oh, heavens to Betsy!

Mrs. G.:  I didn't really know how to respond.

Me.:  I wonder where Nick would ever come up with something like that?

Mrs. G.:  He told her it was "Mrs. L."  

Me:  Oh.  Come to think of it, we did talk abou the toothfairy and how vengeful she can be.  I might have mentioned that pooping in corners was in her wheelhouse.  

Mrs. G:  Next time you talk about the toothfairy's mean streak, maybe leave out the pooping. 

Me:  Noted.  


  1. Hahaha. This made me think of the time I told my daughter that if she told another fib- the fib fairy would show up while she was sleeping and take out her tongue. Overkill? ;) haha

  2. This is hilarious. I once told a class of thirty children there is no Father Christmas. Pure accident, I swear.