Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Everyone Poops (except me)

I have had a long term subbing position at my favorite school (Kira's school), in my favorite class (the library). It has been great. The only problem with full-time work at this school is that there are no private bathrooms. Just girls and boys bathrooms with stalls.

It turns out I have shy bowels and so, naturally, I've been constipated and have been having to rely on "weekenders" (a term Mitch made up) for relief on a weekly basis. I am disappointed that I can't function normally so I've been trying to encourage myself to "perform" when I need to, so today I chose time when I thought the bathrooms would be empty and I could be alone and relax and try to have a positive experience. I went to the furthest stall, and was going to sit there until something happened. About a minute into my vigil, I saw an eyeball peering at me through the crack in the door and a little voice said, "Hey, I know you, you work in the library." It was the kindergartener who has annoying back pockets. She went in the stall next to me and said, "Hey! I'm going potty too!.... Are you done yet? Can you see my hand?"

"Yep," I said, "I'm done." (and yes, I could see her hand) Needless to say, the dream was over and my shy bowels are now agoraphobic bowels.

Then she started singing really loudly. (because although the bathrooms are rundown and cruddy, the acoustics are great)

p.s. It's only Wednesday.

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