Thursday, October 22, 2009

Why Children Are Deadly Dangerous

Today I gave Kira five dollars for school carnival tickets. I handed her the bill and looked away from her. She took it and then said, "Oh, I love the smell of money." I looked back at her and she had this filthy, disgusting bill pressed against her face and she was breathing it in.

She also told me that on the bus after school, the kids have an ongoing Mercy tournament. You know, it's that game where two kids grab hands and try to hurt the other by bending their knuckles back. So they go from one kid to the next, clasping filthy, sweaty palms. Then I just know that every kid in the tournament goes home and the first thing they do (after grabbing the door handle that everyone in the family touches) is grab the refrigerator door handle looking for a snack and then they rifle through your FOOD.

Today I overheard a kid in my class say to another kid, "Last night I put 47 pennies in my mouth." Apparently he thinks he could fit in more, but 47 was all he had to work with. You know, you ARE going to get one of those pennies as change sometime, don't you?

And none of them wash their hands after they use the bathroom unless I'm standing there watching, and make them go back in to do it.

If I can get through the next few months without getting the swine flu, it will be a miracle.

This is biological warfare, people! We have to fight against all the children that are trying to kill us! I think I will start carrying around a can of Lysol and a hepa mask. And a club.

My class

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